During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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