I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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