The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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