cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As shirtless as possible
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
