the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
