i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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