i think my mom watched the whole time
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
