She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
