I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
