i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
