You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
