a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Operation Purity has been aborted
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The Olympian is in my bed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
