i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
