Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
