OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
