were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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