Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
