My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
