It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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