is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
