Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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