Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
