what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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