Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize