I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
