mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
