I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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