I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
