I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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