Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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