OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
