My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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