with your own penis?
farters have to be the big spoon...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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