I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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