You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
