And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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