so let's talk penis.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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