please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
