I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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