you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
