i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
this boner is exhausting
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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