Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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