I just pynch a tree in the face
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
