I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My vagina is very pro this idea
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
