Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
