Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
