when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
