I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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