I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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