i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
