I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
