so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
