Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
