I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
