I'm going to jail i love you
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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