we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
