Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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