The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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