We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In other news, I just burned my penis
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
