I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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