Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
