Yo dont text me then not text me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize