I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
