so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i now understand why vodka
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
