Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
