We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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