that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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