i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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