omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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