So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize