is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
