Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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